all roads lead to Rome.
the more that I think about life, the more it makes sense that I had to be here.
through all the people that I have met, through my upbringing, through conscious and unconscious decisions, through intentional efforts and circumstantial instances, I find myself here.
I have a sense of gratitude for everything that has ever happened to me, but more importantly, for the things that I have DONE.
earlier today when I was driving back home from work, I reminisced about how when I first moved down to Fort Worth, I did not have a plan in the slightest. I found myself scrambling for a semblance of a plan. I spent hours and days and even a week or two without any kind of job in place and thankfully, I had some money saved away and a very low overhead at the time. as I spent time applying to jobs based on my previous biology experience, I did not have much else to do or very much money so I just ran for miles at a time. 6, 7, 8, 10 miles; anything to keep me moving and my mind distracted from all the stress and anxiety I was feeling from not feeling like I was getting anywhere. I don’t have my journal on me to recall how many days I spent in this limbo - state, but I do remember feeling like it was not ending. I don’t recall exactly how many applications I put out either but it had to be about 35 - 40 in course of a few weeks with nothing but maybe 2 interviews to show for it where I would maybe make $18/hr and at the time, I was extremely stoked on that, but even then, I didn’t end up hearing back on these jobs which I felt more than qualified for and eager to work.
it got to the point where I remember pulling out money that I found squared away in an account that I didn’t even know that I had to help out and I was down to probably my last couple of dollars. the A/C was busted in the house that I was staying at in May/July and if I recall correctly, I think the interior of the house reached over 105 degrees. that’s when the last of my pride left my body and I drove downtown to start walking around to see if anyone would hire me to do ANYTHING. I walked around stopped in at about 12 places asking to speak to the manager to see if anyone would let me work and it was probably one of the most humbling moments of my life. I spent 4.5 years in college and I could not find a means to make any money. I had no idea what I was going to do. right before I called it for the night, I stopped in this odd - looking bar, which I had initially swore to myself that I was not going to go into, but life comes at you quick. I went upstairs and asked around for the manager, and thankfully, I got to speak to him and sent him over a copy of my resumé and finally got to start working at a piano bar.
I spent another few weeks doing that and applying to anything I could find on Indeed, Glassdoor, LinkedIn, fkn anything, and I finally landed an interview to a job that I actually had some relevant experience in. it felt like I had a new lease on life and I couldn’t be happier. I kept the two jobs, working at the bar on the weekends and the other one 8 - 5.
I hated that last job. the bar job was fun and the people were cool, but the pay was terrible and I felt like I was wading water there, just making a few couple hundred dollars every other week to help supplement the other job and hopefully get myself out of there. I spent almost 2 years of my life doing those two jobs and utterly hating everything about my positions, trajectory for life, and maybe even life itself.
after running with the bulls, I gained a new perspective on life and I knew that my life needed a change and when I got back to the states, I didn’t let it breathe before I began job searching again and applied to so many other jobs and eventually landed at where I am at today.
I love it here. I don’t know how else to describe the sense of fulfillment I felt at the end of my day today and just utter appreciation for everything and everyone in my life. life is not easy. life is difficult. but the struggle and the indomitable human spirit has led me to be here, and I think that’s where the beauty of being human comes alive. I was where I had to be today, and I am so thankful to God for putting every situation, person, opportunity, and feeling in my heart to get me where I am today. there is so much further to go, but today, I lie my head down with sincere, unadulterated gratitude. all roads lead me here. to Rome. to beyond.
getting undeniably great.
from the chateau.
action / everything.
all praise is due to the most high.
