here_am_i_send_me.
send me God.
here am I, send me.
I’ve been able to learn a lot, but there is still so much to do. I’m one of them ones as of right now. top of the charts. looking to knock crowns off.
DoG. delusions of grandeur. dawg. DAWG. all of that.
at the end of it; send me.
I have not felt this alive is so long. I felt like I was merely a shell of myself for I cannot remember how long. I wake up and I am not dreading getting out of bed. I am more physically tired than I have been in ever. I am keeping myself on by a thread held up by nicotine and energy drinks, but I love it. if I’m being honest, I never thought that I would get here. my heart doesn’t hurt anymore. I’m sure with some time, the energy drinks might do a number, but until then; I feel my blood coursing through my body and I’m actively looking to get better at every opportunity.
I guess for future review’s sake, it’s not easy. it’s not sunshine and rainbows, but it’s good. it’s good because I am making it good when I can. brushing off that which doesn’t concern me or my goals. packaging unhealthy conversations that have never happened into a neat corner of my mind and pushing myself forward as often as I can. little moving boxes stacked up on themselves in the blank canvas that is my mind full of all the experiences that have gotten me to this point but are no longer useful looking at in the same light in which I experienced them. not now. maybe in retrospect. until then, they are sitting in the all consuming white void between my ears.
I’m very thankful to have met the people who are in my life right now. they’re pushing me to be better for everyone. I really think I made a great choice. I think it will serve me in the future and now. I cannot wait to be better. along the way, I throw myself in the meat grinder and get my teeth kicked in so that I can expedite that process.
I will make it out the other end a better man. t10%. I am sure of it. I just have to keep going.
choosing me so that when the time comes when God calls for me, I can say:
here am I, send me.
action / everything
all praise is due to the most high.
