hard2kill.
hard2kill.
hard2kill.
for the first time in about a month, I started working on the motion for the blog before the day that it was due. with a very solid vision in mind thanks to a few sources of inspiration from @zachpogrob. this has taken me more time than I would have thought previously but I only believe that is the case because of trying to push for more quality.
I believe that I have not been pushing the needle as much as I have needed to make any meaningful difference in any of my work. I got complacent and that really sucks for me. and that’s the fkn thing, that shit will creep up on you. it starts off so small, as something so insignificant, but it’s always significant. our lives aren’t made up of the huge decisions that make drastic changes in our environment; our lives are made up of the daily habits that we do every fkn day. good, bad, or ugly that is the bulk of it.
so how do we work to not get complacent?
I think number one is recognizing that just because you are busy does not mean you are focused and heading in the right direction.
number two is remembering your “why.”
why am I doing any of this? there’s a million other things that I could be doing. it would take a lot of mental gymnastics to justify it to myself, but I don’t HAVE to be where I am at. I COULD be here because I am comfortable and I am not willing to make a change. I know my problems, I could be used to them, and I might not be willing to change to explore other options because “the devil I know is better than the devil I don’t.” this could be true. hell, up to a point, it is.
I made a conscious decision to make a career change because I wanted different outputs. I changed the system that I was operating under, and for a good month, I even changed my inputs. at a baseline, my inputs ARE different. but my chateau remains a bit of a mess so there is much more work to do at a foundational level.
WHY did I make this change? I wanted to build a skillset that would help me get to where I wanted in life. I wanted to learn how to sell. I AM learning how to sell. I am still early, but I want to, I need to, I will remember that this is all for that. that I will use my resources and I will learn.
I had the privilege (and maybe the drawback) in life that a lot of things that I particularly cared about, I was able to get a standard deviation above the crowd without having to break my skull open. a lot of things have come fairly easy to me. whether that means I’m a good learner, just lucky, or a combination of both, is not for me to decide. I just know that it means that I struggle with things when they do not come easily. I’m not special in this regard, I just need to remember that I am still very much at the beginning of this road and to continue to diligently apply myself every day because this is what I wanted. a chance to mold myself into a version that can take care of things that I haven’t been able to in the past. a reminder to myself that this will not be easy, but it will be so worth it.
I want to be hard2kill. I will be hard2kill. not just in my physical form, but my spirit. I’ve let it get broken too easily in the past and I’m exhausted of just letting that happen. I’m alive. if you’re reading this, you are alive as well. take care to remember your why. it’s probably the most important piece of mind that you have.
love.
documentation and accountability.
cleaning up the chateau.
action / everything.
all praise is due to the most high.
